If I had been at the mall... I wouldn't have bought a practical bra!

Friends, I would like you to know that I am so dedicated to the cause of supporting local business that I am about to share with you my bra shopping story.  A story that ordinarily should only be shared with girlfriends... and wine.   But, for the sake of the cause, I will share it.  Here.  On the internet.  Good thing I don't have a lot of readers!!

This summer, I went to  I Am Woman , a lingerie store waaaaaaaaaay down Calgary Trail  I tried to get there one morning on the LRT and ended up wandering around some strange south-side neighbourhood for a good 45 minutes trying to find my way to Calgary Trail.  According to the evil masterminds behind the ETS Trip Planner, I should've been able to just jaunt there in 8 minutes.  Not so.  Anyway, the first visit was fine, once I found the place and I tried on a variety of options and was fitted by a really nice lady.  I have had bra fittings done twice in my life and both times, they do not seem to as interested in cleavage as I am.  They seem to be more interested in something that fits well and is supportive.  So I ended up with something practical, instead of slutty, but ok.  Every respectable woman should probably have a practical bra in her wardrobe... I'm sure Marilla Cuthbert and Rachel Lind didn't wear their push-up bras EVERY day, right?  So I ordered my old lady, ahem, sensible, bra and then took a very expensive cab ride back to civilization because I was not letting ETS get the better of me again!  

I went back to pick up my brassiere (that's what us elderly women call them...) last week and, as a last ditch effort for some cleavage, I asked the girls working that day what they would recommend.  Well, they busted out (hee!) silicone inserts of various sizes and shapes, moulded cups, cups with padding, all kinds of stuff!  Yes!  This is what I'm talking about!  So I tried on each and every one of those bras.  Turns out, I am bosomly challenged.  Not one of them created the look I was going for.  It occurred  to me that maybe the bra fitters knew something I didn't and were just too nice to tell me!  So I left with my 19th century undergarment.  Oh, but before that, I shared an awkward moment with the sales girl who said, in response to me saying I was just going to wear my new item out, "Do you want a bag to take your old (ill fitting, impractical, whoreish) bra home in?" And instead of saying, "no thanks," and leaving it at that, I said, "no thanks, I didn't wear one."  Yep.  I said that.  And my old lady bra seemed to cringe a little at my lack of class.  I even think I heard her wondering how on earth she got hooked up (hee!) with this chick!  You can take the girl out of the Victoria's  Secret  (two sizes too small) push-up bra but you can't take the Victoria's Secret push-up bra out of the girl! 

If I had been at the mall.. I wouldn't have started my salad Evoolution!

This will just be a quick post to say that I ventured into Evoolution, a "gourmet olive oil bar."  I took Jimmy with me so our visit was short but not so short that I did not get the tour and buy some yummy items!  They have about a bazillion flavours of olive oil (all lined up in stainless drums) and a jillion flaviours of balsamic vinegar (including white, which I didn't even know was a thing!).  You can taste anything you want and there are baskets of bread all along the bar for dipping.  Since I was in a bit of a hurry and too many choices overwhelms me, I told the guy that I needed something for salads that was really savoury... something garlicky and peppery.  He instantly looked like a light bulb had gone off in his head and he rushed off to prepare a mixture for me.  He came back with a little cup of Tuscan Herb Olive Oil and White Lemon Balsamic Vinegar.  Yep, that was the flavour I was looking for, alright! I bought both and am looking forward to having my next salad!  Not words anyone would expect to hear me say, right?!

It's Evoolution, baby!

Because I've been at the mall... I haven't had enough time to update this blog!

Hi friends!  I've missed you!  I haven't really been neglectful because I've been a mall.  It's because I've been a work rat and a student rat.  Apparently when you take a course on campus (as opposed to online), you have to actually GO there.  EVERY week!  It has really cut into my shopping time, let me tell you!  It has also increased my stress level infinitesimally but that's another story.  

Anyway, I'm here now and I have so many new places to tell you about!  Since breakfast is the most important (before or after family?  I can never remember!), I will start there.  The Bothy.  It is a whiskey and wine bar on 124th and recently started serving Sunday brunch.  There are two items on their menu, a Scottish breakfast with a lot of interesting looking components.  And the other is eggs benedict.  I am not the biggest fan of hollandaise sauce and so I never go for this type of meal for breakfast.  However, since there were only two options and one involved black pudding (which my buddy Brea informed me  is blood sausage.  Which Google informed me is sausage made of pork, pig's blood and suet), I opted for the eggs.  O.M.G. you guys.  Seriously.  This was like heaven with a couple of eggs and some rye bread.  I wish I had taken a picture to share here.  I don't even like rye bread but I ate a whole slice because it had that delicious hollandaise all soaked up in it!  Since I'm not a foody, I don't really know what words to use to describe this sauce in a way that you can experience it through my writing so how about this?  How about you just go there.  Just go.  Now.  Do it. 

My next discovery happened getting off the bus on 124th and 102 Ave one day after work.  The bus stop is right outside a shop called Miss Boss Handbags and Accessories.    Smart business people own that place because they have displayed, in the window, some absolutely gorgeous purses.  (I want you all to know that I heavily debated using the word "gorge" there but then decided against it.  You're welcome.).  So being that I am still carrying around my teal bag, even though it is very clearly Fall here, I thought I better go in and have a look around.  I didn't even have to let the door close behind me before I spotted this gorgeous Melie Bianco bag.  

Yes, I absolutely stole this image right off the Melie Bianco website so please note that I am giving credit!!

The lovely Miss Boss (I'm just going to refer to anyone that works in the store as Miss Boss herself) informed me it was vegan leather and I was sold.  So I told myself I had to wait until I got paid again, at the end of the month, and if it was still there then, I could have it.  Guess what?!  It was still there waiting for me on Friday when I popped by after work!!  And, Miss Boss told me that a lot of people would come in and look at it but then put it back and that it was like a pet waiting to be adopted and that she was glad it was finally going to get a good home.   Awwwww!  And it does!  It has the BEST home now!!  Don't you worry, Miss Boss, I will take such good care of little Janice (the name she came with.  I don't want to confuse her with a new name AND a new mom all at once!).  

Lastly, I went back to NVE Institute for skin care on Friday.  I had told you guys, at the begging of the summer, that I wasn't 100% sure about these products and that I would let you know what I thought after I used them.  Well, obviously I'm a fan! I loved my sample of their waterless cleansing milk (although I used it with water...shhhh.  Don't tell on me!)t.  I was at the end of my bottle of Nivea and decided I better make a healthier choice this time and support a local business, too, instead of picking it up at Shopper's or Safeway.  So I did some research and narrowed it down to a few choices and got a few samples but decided that really, I should go with the most local and most natural option.  Plus, the product was great.  It was all natural, smelled great and was super moisturizing.  Also, it is a cleansing milk, which, according to the research I did online, is best for all skin types.  As soon as I walked in, I was instantly reminded how relaxing it is at NVE.  Even just waiting in the front area for someone to help me was warm and smelled delicious.  I had a few questions about moisturizer, as well and was helped out by the lovely Natalie, who designs all the skin care at the spa (you can read about that in my earlier post).  I have never gotten so much attention without pressure to buy any other time I've been looking into skincare.  Ordinarily I say I am looking for a product that does x, y and z and the salesperson finds me something and I go home with it.  With Natalie, on the other hand, I was given options and she said she would prefer that I take a sample first and give the products a try.  Um, I left there with not only three different moisturizers, but another toner and an exfoliant mask treatment.  And you guys, these aren't itty bitty Sephora-sized samples.  These are substantial amounts of product! 

 I also pre-purchased two spa treatments to use this winter when my skin is dead and reptilian.  The packages were on sale and I can't remember the exact amounts but it was like buy 3 get this percentage off, by 2 get that percentage off, etc.  However, the owner gave me 50% off both my packages, which was substantially more than the advertised discount.  Seriously you guys, I cannot get over how incredible the customer service is at NVE.  If you have the budget to afford to go for a facial or other treatment, do it. It is so worth it.  And if you are looking for a locally produced, all natural, environmentally friendly, yummy skin care line, go in and have a consultation.  You will not regret it.  And then go up the street and have the eggs benedict at The Bothy.  Why are you still sitting there reading this??  GO!

If I had been at the mall... I wouldn't have found the best mocha in the city!

On the same day that  I realized I was travelling with a 6 year old wing man, I discovered a few new businesses on the 4th Street Promenade, aka 104th Street, north of Jasper Avenue.  This is a cute part of downtown mostly containing places to eat and drink, including Blue Plate Diner (yummmm...).  It is also the area where the Downtown Farmer's Market is held on Saturdays.  I wanted to check out Carbon Environmental Boutique, which I had read about on the Alberta Boostr website.  Carbon is a local small business that provides consumers with safe and environmentally friendly products from cosmetics and hygiene products to mattresses to toys to cookware.  I personally go back and forth on using "safe" products and filling my body with chemicals but i have a few friends who are very dedicated to limiting their exposure to potentially harmful products so I wanted to check it out.  Given that I was there with Jimmy, I couldn't spend too much time browsing but I did have a good look around and they really do carry everything you could possibly imagine.  You are limited, obviously, to only a few brands but there is a huge variety in the types of items you can find here.  I bought a shave gel from Alba Botanicals, which is a brand I was already familiar with, and I felt like it was priced comparatively to what I would have paid for the same thing at Planet Organic (around $8).  Obviously you're not going to find $0.99 Barbasol here!    The guy working the day I was there wasn't particularly helpful or friendly but I also didn't seek out help so I'm not going to judge him too harshly on his customer service.  I didn't see anything that really caught my eye or got my attention in a "I hadn't considered that before!" kind of way.  Most of the products that they sell, I already get other places.  However, if you're looking for something specific that you can't readily find in your usual haunts, I bet Carbon's got it. I would especially recommend it if you are a parent looking for baby/kids items.  

Just a few doors down from Carbon, I found my new coffee love, Credo.  I'm doing this silly thing where I'm trying to limit my sugar and cut out processed sugar completely so I now have to be a little more selective about what I have added to my latte.  So I had to ask my awkward question of "Um, is the chocolate in your mocha syrup dark chocolate and do you add any extra sugar to the drink?" And the lovely Credo girl said, "no, we actually melt dark chocolate and add it to the milk."  Well, HELL-O!  That is so much better than what I was willing to settle for!  Not only did Credo's coffee turn out to be delicious but it's also Direct Trade, which, according to their website, has much stricter requirements than regular fair trade.  Purchasing ethical products is something I am trying to be more conscious of, particularly after some of my traveling adventures in the developing world.  While I am not always successful at it, I do try to shop ethically when I can and I love it when I find somewhere that I can support that also believes in ensuring that our luxuries aren't coming at the expense of someone else's suffering.  Check out Credo's website for more information about their coffee and where it comes from and definitely go support this fantastic local cafe!

Learning about the meaning of Direct Trade never would have happened if I had been at the mall!

If I had been at the mall.... I wouldn't have made my practice face debut!

Last week  I had the privilege of offering up my face for the make up artistry students at Cosmopolitan Makeup Artistry College.  Now, they use the term "model" but I really prefer "practice face."  I think it is more descriptive and accurate of what I brought to the table.  Friends, let me tell you, being a practice face is a LOT of fun.  And the only requirements, really, are that you are able to sit still (how'd I get this gig??) and that you have a face.  On the first day, I was with the outrageous and hilarious Emily, who created this fantasy themed look.  I wish I could wear sparkly jewels on my face everyday!

Notice the wolves wanted to be part of the fun!

Possibly my favourite part of all this was the photo shoot.  I promise you there is nothing that will ever make you feel more glamorous than having your picture taken under soft lightening and then having everyone tell you how awesome they turned out.  The wolves loved it, too.  

My second day was special effects day and I practice faced for Shannon, who was a total sweetheart  and super enthusiastic about creating an awesome zombie creature out of me.  She did an awesome job, in my opinion!! 
  

Look at those nasty teeth!

Yes, that's a finger in my mouth!

After almost five hours of prep, we went outside to do the photo shoot.  Now, I'm no actress and I'm really not that familiar with how zombies act, other than what I learned from many hours of Plants vs. Zombies so I really don't know how I did portraying the gory monster.  I haven't seen the real photos yet but I'm hoping they turned out well enough for Shannon's portfolio!  One of the shots the girls wanted was of me, chasing after the High Level Bridge Streetcar full of senior citizens and small children.  I'm sure I was very popular with parents at bedtime that night!

Do I look shorter as a zombie??  I feel like I look shorter....

Yep.  That happened.  But it never would've happened at the mall!

P.S.  Thanks Gaylynne for giving me the opportunity to share my mad practice face skillz with your students!!

Random Tip for the Blind #77

Random Tip for the Blind #77:  When purchasing something from iTunes, make the effort to zoom in and check that you are ordering what you actually intended to order or you might end up with something MORE embarrassing than the embarrassing thing you were downloading int he first place!

So now I'm going to have to admit to the world that I did something I'd rather not admit to the world... I paid for 50 Shades of Grey.  And I read it.  And it is now tied with The DaVinci Code for most poorly written work of fiction I have ever wasted my time with.  Actually, I'm going to put it right out there and say that it was actually worse than TDC because as far as I can remember, Dan Brown didn't explain what the big words meant after he used them.  Although, you'd be hard pressed to actually find any big words in TDC...so, yeah, no, they're still tied.  

Anyway, when I originally looked for it to download, I didn't really know what I was looking for or who the author was.  So I found what I thought was the book, read the first two pages, texted a friend and asked if the story took place on an airplane, found out it doesn't, thought to myself, "that's odd," and went in search of the correct version.  Found it. Read it (skipping over large chunks because I couldn't take the insipid whining of the inner goddess). Tried not to alienate everyone I know who loved it.  (P.S. I hope you girls still love me after this!!).  And moved on.  

Fast forward to this summer when discussing books with Diana.  She asked what I could recommend so I took a look at my ebookshelf to refresh my memory.  Steinbeck, Tina Fey and...  What's this?  Fifty Shades of... Gay??  Well THAT explains those first two pages I read a few years ago!  According to Amazon "Sexy Alpha Jude Kinsalle is used to all types of men hiring him for his services, but his last client, conservative real estate tycoon Mark Benton is his most memorable. When Mark is murdered after his liaison with Jude, hot cop Logan Vellachecco pegs Jude a suspect and Jude cannot use his charm and sensuality to sway Logan’s investigation...despite their passionate encounter. With clients cancelling en masse and Jude’s charmed life threatened, Jude recruits the only two people he trusts to prove his innocence. Follow Jude, his hot Latina maid Rosie and his flamboyant friend James from Manhattan to Chicago where they wield their inept sleuthing skills, penchant for partying and naked blackmail to clear Jude’s name."  Seriously.  How awesome is this??  I kind of want to read this now, as I have a feeling it is going to be WAY better than it's namesake and totally entertaining.  What the original 50 Shades needed, I think, was a Hot Cop and a Sassy Maid.  And who doesn't love a Flamboyant Friend character??  It's like The Hardy Boys grew up and came out!  I mean, really, who didn't think Frank was gay?  it's not so far-fetched.  Callie Shaw?  What kind of a name is that??  The name of a beard, I'd say!  And blond, good-looking beefcake best friend CHET Morton??  Oooh, and remember when they would team up for those Super Mysteries with Nancy Drew and her gang and she had that drag queen girlfriend, George?  I mean, it all makes so much sense now!  

Amazon also very considerately gives an explicit content warning at the end of this blurb (because you might not have gotten that from the description), informing us that this book contains "HOT" explicit content.  Good to know.  I probably won't read it now because lukewarm explicit content is one thing but if it's hot it will probably really offend me.  

The other less hilarious but equally as disturbing accidental purchase I made was after writing a little school-related parody of the genius  Sometimes When We Touch.  You know... Sometimes when we touch/The honesty's too much/And I have to close my eyes aaaa-yee-aand hide.  My punishment for this bit of mockery was that the original gem was stuck in my head for DAYS.  To combat this, I thought downloading the song and actually listening to it might cure me.  Fast forward to last week, listening to music on the bus and repeatedly coming across really terrible, ballad-y 80s songs and skipping them.  They all had the same album cover so I finally zoomed in and looked to see who the artist was.  Dan Hill... who the hell is that??  And how did his album end up on my iPod?  Dan Hill... Dan Hill... Dan... OHMYGOSH.  I must have downloaded an entire Sometimes When We Touch album.  Yeesh.  I wonder how much I paid for that??  iTunes is going to have the best profile of me.  They probably think I'm a fifty year old gay man  and I'm going to start getting targeted ads for... whatever it is they market to that demographic!  

If I had been at the mall... I wouldn't have discovered I could use Jimmy as man-bait!

When Jimmy and I are out in the community, he often likes to talk to other people, usually to ask them where they are going.  Today he struck up a conversation about trains with a scrawny college kid in an LRT station.  After coaching him through the interaction and suggesting that when people have earphones in, they probably don't want to be bothered, it occurred to me that the encounter could have been an excellent meet cute!  I could have been living my very own Nora Ephron movie right now, if Jimmy was a little more discriminate in who he talks to!  I can't believe it has taken me three summers to figure this out... with a little bit of work, Jimmy could become my very own wingman! 

Sometimes in my job I write stories or make videos for kids that deomonstrate  appropriate behaviour to help them learn what is expected of them.  Perhaps this is just what Jimmy and I need....

Being a Wingman

Sometimes when I am out with Gabrielle, I like to talk to strangers.  It is ok to talk to strangers, if they are attractive, intelligent and male.  It is not ok to talk to strangers if they are old, wearing sweats or smell like AXE.  I like to talk to people with kids but this is not the best use of my time.  It is better to talk to tall men who look like they have money.  I like to talk about trains with strangers.  It is ok to talk about trains but if the man seems TOO interested in trains, it is time to move on.  When I am done talking, I can say, "This is Gabrielle.  She is my babysitter.  She's awesome!"  This makes Gabrielle feel happy.  The end.

I never would have figured out how to use a six year old to meet men if I had been at the mall