If I had been at the mall... my legs would be freezing right now!

I was killing time one afternoon at work, waiting for a ride from a co-worker, and obviously that means I was online window shopping.  Screen shopping?  What do we call it when we are window shopping online?  Does this phenomenon have a name??  If not, I think we better make one up.  It could end up being the next big made-up word!  We might be famous!!

Right, anyway, I was browser browsing (do we love it, huh, do we??), specifically looking for warm tights to wear under my pants due to the fact that it has been -97 outside and -104 in my classroom for weeks now.  Here's what I found: www.warmlegwear.com.  First of all, can I please point out how much I love the name of this company??  I appreciate the descriptive name and I think it is brilliant marketing when you are appealing to shivering women who are Windows shopping (get it?? Love it??) in their igloo classrooms.  Secondly, they are an American company and from what I can tell, nearly everything they sell is made in the US or CANADA!  So that's awesome for those of us who are still feeling guilty about our knock off sweat shop Birkin bag.  And for those of us that are just trying to be more conscious of who is making our clothes, in general.  According to their website, they are a mom and pop company out of Maine and the owner started selling online after not being able to find the warm, cozy tights she remembered from childhood.  I love a company or store with a good story!

I came home and continued my scouring of the website and, while I wanted to order one of everything, I limited myself to three pairs of tights that looked and sounded deliciously cozy in the pictures and descriptions.  I ordered two pairs of cotton tights and went full on and got a pair of wool cable knit tights.  They arrived this week and I finally got to try them out today.  I wore the Flat Knit Heathered Cotton Tights in Grey and oh my my, how I am in love.  They are soft and comfortable and they did a good job keeping my legs warm with a skirt.  It was -20ish today and my legs didn't feel any more or less cold while waiting for the bus than they do when I wear jeans.  In fact, I would say they were just as warm as when I wear jeans with tights underneath, although I probably wouldn't wear them alone if it was any colder or if there was a wind chill.  An added bonus is that they are really cute, in my opinion.  

Yes that is the dust on my mirror you can see.  I am choosing to use the picture anyway in the hopes that someone will get me a cleaning lady for Christmas.  Also, I'm already in my PJs and way too lazy to get back into the outfit AND clean the mirror.

It's a little hard to tell in this picture but they look like a knitted sweater, which I think is a great look for winter!  Also, they are warm... have I mentioned that yet??  

So next time you are www-indow shopping, head on over to Warm Legwear.  Just don't do it when you are particularly cold because you might spend a small fortune!  Also, just in case that whole housekeeper thing doesn't work out, I've got my eye on the wool leggings and the bamboo tights.  And the cotton cable knit tights.  And maybe a pair of knee socks.   What?  My birthday's coming up!

Comfy and toasty in the dead of winter... never would've happened if I'd been at the mall!

**Edited to note that I was totally wrong on which tights those are.  The ones in the picture are the wool tights.  I wore the cotton ones today under jeans and I was roasting in the mall so I can definitely say they work too!!

Because I was at the mall.. I was sat on by a human with questionable hygiene

I'm taking a course at the university right now where advocacy for people with disabilities is often a topic of discussion.  This week the idea that people with disabilities should be given the means to ride public transit independently, came up, as opposed to using special transportation because it is segregating.   It was all I could do not to start yelling, "Segregate me!  Please, please, PLEASE segregate me!!"  I did voice a similar, slightly calmer opinion, which, of course, was not well received by my less cynical classmates.  Nobody seems to understand that riding the bus stinks (literally and figuratively).   I would much prefer the segregation of a private driver... maybe one with an accent who says, "yes ma'am," a lot.  And maybe, while we're advocating for me, let's see if we can't get me a butler, too... 

Yesterday I was riding the bus downtown from West Edmonton Mall during rush hour.  I've done this enough times to know that it wasn't going to be pleasant but if I could have predicted just how unpleasant it was going to be, I might've opted for a cab.  The bus was full when I got on, except for 1 1/2 seats along the back row.  Yes, one and a HALF.  Why?  Because one princess thought that she should sit in a way that allowed her the use of half of the seat next to her.  Ok, I thought to myself, this'll work.  Just sit on the seat next to the half seat and you will enjoy a spacious ride because nobody is going to try to sit in half a seat.  So I sat down with the seat hog on my right and a guy on my left who, I quickly, realized had recently peed himself.  Or been peed on.  I don't know which but either way, I started to get a little emotional.  You're ok, I thought to myself, just suck it up and sniff your wrist.  This is the strategy I use when something (or someone) smells bad on the bus... I sniff my perfume.  Sometimes I even bust out a roller ball and coat my upper lip in a little Armani.  Anyway, as I'm sitting there, sniffing myself, trying not to cry, a woman decides that she is going to fit her rather large butt onto half a seat.  Guess what?  She didn't fit.  And guess where she landed?  ON ME.  Sigh.  Thank goodness I have this privilege of being fully included in society... because clearly society rocks!

But wait, I have a solution (I mean besides my own personal Jeeves) that should please everyone...  let's make public transit more accessible for people with disabilities and LESS accessible for assholes!!  Everybody wins!!

By the way, if you don't think think my experience was bad enough to warrant this rant, I'll tell you what my brother witnessed on the bus yesterday.  A woman who spent the entire ride picking her nose and wiping boogers on the seat next to her.  And then an unsuspecting man sit on said seat, totally oblivious to the vast amounts of snot that he  now had all over his pants.  GAG.   Let's hear it for segregated transit!!  One bus for people with disabilities and another one for assholes, nose-pickers and punks!!

If I had been at the mall... I wouldn't have bought a practical bra!

Friends, I would like you to know that I am so dedicated to the cause of supporting local business that I am about to share with you my bra shopping story.  A story that ordinarily should only be shared with girlfriends... and wine.   But, for the sake of the cause, I will share it.  Here.  On the internet.  Good thing I don't have a lot of readers!!

This summer, I went to  I Am Woman , a lingerie store waaaaaaaaaay down Calgary Trail  I tried to get there one morning on the LRT and ended up wandering around some strange south-side neighbourhood for a good 45 minutes trying to find my way to Calgary Trail.  According to the evil masterminds behind the ETS Trip Planner, I should've been able to just jaunt there in 8 minutes.  Not so.  Anyway, the first visit was fine, once I found the place and I tried on a variety of options and was fitted by a really nice lady.  I have had bra fittings done twice in my life and both times, they do not seem to as interested in cleavage as I am.  They seem to be more interested in something that fits well and is supportive.  So I ended up with something practical, instead of slutty, but ok.  Every respectable woman should probably have a practical bra in her wardrobe... I'm sure Marilla Cuthbert and Rachel Lind didn't wear their push-up bras EVERY day, right?  So I ordered my old lady, ahem, sensible, bra and then took a very expensive cab ride back to civilization because I was not letting ETS get the better of me again!  

I went back to pick up my brassiere (that's what us elderly women call them...) last week and, as a last ditch effort for some cleavage, I asked the girls working that day what they would recommend.  Well, they busted out (hee!) silicone inserts of various sizes and shapes, moulded cups, cups with padding, all kinds of stuff!  Yes!  This is what I'm talking about!  So I tried on each and every one of those bras.  Turns out, I am bosomly challenged.  Not one of them created the look I was going for.  It occurred  to me that maybe the bra fitters knew something I didn't and were just too nice to tell me!  So I left with my 19th century undergarment.  Oh, but before that, I shared an awkward moment with the sales girl who said, in response to me saying I was just going to wear my new item out, "Do you want a bag to take your old (ill fitting, impractical, whoreish) bra home in?" And instead of saying, "no thanks," and leaving it at that, I said, "no thanks, I didn't wear one."  Yep.  I said that.  And my old lady bra seemed to cringe a little at my lack of class.  I even think I heard her wondering how on earth she got hooked up (hee!) with this chick!  You can take the girl out of the Victoria's  Secret  (two sizes too small) push-up bra but you can't take the Victoria's Secret push-up bra out of the girl! 

If I had been at the mall.. I wouldn't have started my salad Evoolution!

This will just be a quick post to say that I ventured into Evoolution, a "gourmet olive oil bar."  I took Jimmy with me so our visit was short but not so short that I did not get the tour and buy some yummy items!  They have about a bazillion flavours of olive oil (all lined up in stainless drums) and a jillion flaviours of balsamic vinegar (including white, which I didn't even know was a thing!).  You can taste anything you want and there are baskets of bread all along the bar for dipping.  Since I was in a bit of a hurry and too many choices overwhelms me, I told the guy that I needed something for salads that was really savoury... something garlicky and peppery.  He instantly looked like a light bulb had gone off in his head and he rushed off to prepare a mixture for me.  He came back with a little cup of Tuscan Herb Olive Oil and White Lemon Balsamic Vinegar.  Yep, that was the flavour I was looking for, alright! I bought both and am looking forward to having my next salad!  Not words anyone would expect to hear me say, right?!

It's Evoolution, baby!

Because I've been at the mall... I haven't had enough time to update this blog!

Hi friends!  I've missed you!  I haven't really been neglectful because I've been a mall.  It's because I've been a work rat and a student rat.  Apparently when you take a course on campus (as opposed to online), you have to actually GO there.  EVERY week!  It has really cut into my shopping time, let me tell you!  It has also increased my stress level infinitesimally but that's another story.  

Anyway, I'm here now and I have so many new places to tell you about!  Since breakfast is the most important (before or after family?  I can never remember!), I will start there.  The Bothy.  It is a whiskey and wine bar on 124th and recently started serving Sunday brunch.  There are two items on their menu, a Scottish breakfast with a lot of interesting looking components.  And the other is eggs benedict.  I am not the biggest fan of hollandaise sauce and so I never go for this type of meal for breakfast.  However, since there were only two options and one involved black pudding (which my buddy Brea informed me  is blood sausage.  Which Google informed me is sausage made of pork, pig's blood and suet), I opted for the eggs.  O.M.G. you guys.  Seriously.  This was like heaven with a couple of eggs and some rye bread.  I wish I had taken a picture to share here.  I don't even like rye bread but I ate a whole slice because it had that delicious hollandaise all soaked up in it!  Since I'm not a foody, I don't really know what words to use to describe this sauce in a way that you can experience it through my writing so how about this?  How about you just go there.  Just go.  Now.  Do it. 

My next discovery happened getting off the bus on 124th and 102 Ave one day after work.  The bus stop is right outside a shop called Miss Boss Handbags and Accessories.    Smart business people own that place because they have displayed, in the window, some absolutely gorgeous purses.  (I want you all to know that I heavily debated using the word "gorge" there but then decided against it.  You're welcome.).  So being that I am still carrying around my teal bag, even though it is very clearly Fall here, I thought I better go in and have a look around.  I didn't even have to let the door close behind me before I spotted this gorgeous Melie Bianco bag.  

Yes, I absolutely stole this image right off the Melie Bianco website so please note that I am giving credit!!

The lovely Miss Boss (I'm just going to refer to anyone that works in the store as Miss Boss herself) informed me it was vegan leather and I was sold.  So I told myself I had to wait until I got paid again, at the end of the month, and if it was still there then, I could have it.  Guess what?!  It was still there waiting for me on Friday when I popped by after work!!  And, Miss Boss told me that a lot of people would come in and look at it but then put it back and that it was like a pet waiting to be adopted and that she was glad it was finally going to get a good home.   Awwwww!  And it does!  It has the BEST home now!!  Don't you worry, Miss Boss, I will take such good care of little Janice (the name she came with.  I don't want to confuse her with a new name AND a new mom all at once!).  

Lastly, I went back to NVE Institute for skin care on Friday.  I had told you guys, at the begging of the summer, that I wasn't 100% sure about these products and that I would let you know what I thought after I used them.  Well, obviously I'm a fan! I loved my sample of their waterless cleansing milk (although I used it with water...shhhh.  Don't tell on me!)t.  I was at the end of my bottle of Nivea and decided I better make a healthier choice this time and support a local business, too, instead of picking it up at Shopper's or Safeway.  So I did some research and narrowed it down to a few choices and got a few samples but decided that really, I should go with the most local and most natural option.  Plus, the product was great.  It was all natural, smelled great and was super moisturizing.  Also, it is a cleansing milk, which, according to the research I did online, is best for all skin types.  As soon as I walked in, I was instantly reminded how relaxing it is at NVE.  Even just waiting in the front area for someone to help me was warm and smelled delicious.  I had a few questions about moisturizer, as well and was helped out by the lovely Natalie, who designs all the skin care at the spa (you can read about that in my earlier post).  I have never gotten so much attention without pressure to buy any other time I've been looking into skincare.  Ordinarily I say I am looking for a product that does x, y and z and the salesperson finds me something and I go home with it.  With Natalie, on the other hand, I was given options and she said she would prefer that I take a sample first and give the products a try.  Um, I left there with not only three different moisturizers, but another toner and an exfoliant mask treatment.  And you guys, these aren't itty bitty Sephora-sized samples.  These are substantial amounts of product! 

 I also pre-purchased two spa treatments to use this winter when my skin is dead and reptilian.  The packages were on sale and I can't remember the exact amounts but it was like buy 3 get this percentage off, by 2 get that percentage off, etc.  However, the owner gave me 50% off both my packages, which was substantially more than the advertised discount.  Seriously you guys, I cannot get over how incredible the customer service is at NVE.  If you have the budget to afford to go for a facial or other treatment, do it. It is so worth it.  And if you are looking for a locally produced, all natural, environmentally friendly, yummy skin care line, go in and have a consultation.  You will not regret it.  And then go up the street and have the eggs benedict at The Bothy.  Why are you still sitting there reading this??  GO!

If I had been at the mall... I wouldn't have found the best mocha in the city!

On the same day that  I realized I was travelling with a 6 year old wing man, I discovered a few new businesses on the 4th Street Promenade, aka 104th Street, north of Jasper Avenue.  This is a cute part of downtown mostly containing places to eat and drink, including Blue Plate Diner (yummmm...).  It is also the area where the Downtown Farmer's Market is held on Saturdays.  I wanted to check out Carbon Environmental Boutique, which I had read about on the Alberta Boostr website.  Carbon is a local small business that provides consumers with safe and environmentally friendly products from cosmetics and hygiene products to mattresses to toys to cookware.  I personally go back and forth on using "safe" products and filling my body with chemicals but i have a few friends who are very dedicated to limiting their exposure to potentially harmful products so I wanted to check it out.  Given that I was there with Jimmy, I couldn't spend too much time browsing but I did have a good look around and they really do carry everything you could possibly imagine.  You are limited, obviously, to only a few brands but there is a huge variety in the types of items you can find here.  I bought a shave gel from Alba Botanicals, which is a brand I was already familiar with, and I felt like it was priced comparatively to what I would have paid for the same thing at Planet Organic (around $8).  Obviously you're not going to find $0.99 Barbasol here!    The guy working the day I was there wasn't particularly helpful or friendly but I also didn't seek out help so I'm not going to judge him too harshly on his customer service.  I didn't see anything that really caught my eye or got my attention in a "I hadn't considered that before!" kind of way.  Most of the products that they sell, I already get other places.  However, if you're looking for something specific that you can't readily find in your usual haunts, I bet Carbon's got it. I would especially recommend it if you are a parent looking for baby/kids items.  

Just a few doors down from Carbon, I found my new coffee love, Credo.  I'm doing this silly thing where I'm trying to limit my sugar and cut out processed sugar completely so I now have to be a little more selective about what I have added to my latte.  So I had to ask my awkward question of "Um, is the chocolate in your mocha syrup dark chocolate and do you add any extra sugar to the drink?" And the lovely Credo girl said, "no, we actually melt dark chocolate and add it to the milk."  Well, HELL-O!  That is so much better than what I was willing to settle for!  Not only did Credo's coffee turn out to be delicious but it's also Direct Trade, which, according to their website, has much stricter requirements than regular fair trade.  Purchasing ethical products is something I am trying to be more conscious of, particularly after some of my traveling adventures in the developing world.  While I am not always successful at it, I do try to shop ethically when I can and I love it when I find somewhere that I can support that also believes in ensuring that our luxuries aren't coming at the expense of someone else's suffering.  Check out Credo's website for more information about their coffee and where it comes from and definitely go support this fantastic local cafe!

Learning about the meaning of Direct Trade never would have happened if I had been at the mall!

If I had been at the mall.... I wouldn't have made my practice face debut!

Last week  I had the privilege of offering up my face for the make up artistry students at Cosmopolitan Makeup Artistry College.  Now, they use the term "model" but I really prefer "practice face."  I think it is more descriptive and accurate of what I brought to the table.  Friends, let me tell you, being a practice face is a LOT of fun.  And the only requirements, really, are that you are able to sit still (how'd I get this gig??) and that you have a face.  On the first day, I was with the outrageous and hilarious Emily, who created this fantasy themed look.  I wish I could wear sparkly jewels on my face everyday!

Notice the wolves wanted to be part of the fun!

Possibly my favourite part of all this was the photo shoot.  I promise you there is nothing that will ever make you feel more glamorous than having your picture taken under soft lightening and then having everyone tell you how awesome they turned out.  The wolves loved it, too.  

My second day was special effects day and I practice faced for Shannon, who was a total sweetheart  and super enthusiastic about creating an awesome zombie creature out of me.  She did an awesome job, in my opinion!! 
  

Look at those nasty teeth!

Yes, that's a finger in my mouth!

After almost five hours of prep, we went outside to do the photo shoot.  Now, I'm no actress and I'm really not that familiar with how zombies act, other than what I learned from many hours of Plants vs. Zombies so I really don't know how I did portraying the gory monster.  I haven't seen the real photos yet but I'm hoping they turned out well enough for Shannon's portfolio!  One of the shots the girls wanted was of me, chasing after the High Level Bridge Streetcar full of senior citizens and small children.  I'm sure I was very popular with parents at bedtime that night!

Do I look shorter as a zombie??  I feel like I look shorter....

Yep.  That happened.  But it never would've happened at the mall!

P.S.  Thanks Gaylynne for giving me the opportunity to share my mad practice face skillz with your students!!

Random Tip for the Blind #77

Random Tip for the Blind #77:  When purchasing something from iTunes, make the effort to zoom in and check that you are ordering what you actually intended to order or you might end up with something MORE embarrassing than the embarrassing thing you were downloading int he first place!

So now I'm going to have to admit to the world that I did something I'd rather not admit to the world... I paid for 50 Shades of Grey.  And I read it.  And it is now tied with The DaVinci Code for most poorly written work of fiction I have ever wasted my time with.  Actually, I'm going to put it right out there and say that it was actually worse than TDC because as far as I can remember, Dan Brown didn't explain what the big words meant after he used them.  Although, you'd be hard pressed to actually find any big words in TDC...so, yeah, no, they're still tied.  

Anyway, when I originally looked for it to download, I didn't really know what I was looking for or who the author was.  So I found what I thought was the book, read the first two pages, texted a friend and asked if the story took place on an airplane, found out it doesn't, thought to myself, "that's odd," and went in search of the correct version.  Found it. Read it (skipping over large chunks because I couldn't take the insipid whining of the inner goddess). Tried not to alienate everyone I know who loved it.  (P.S. I hope you girls still love me after this!!).  And moved on.  

Fast forward to this summer when discussing books with Diana.  She asked what I could recommend so I took a look at my ebookshelf to refresh my memory.  Steinbeck, Tina Fey and...  What's this?  Fifty Shades of... Gay??  Well THAT explains those first two pages I read a few years ago!  According to Amazon "Sexy Alpha Jude Kinsalle is used to all types of men hiring him for his services, but his last client, conservative real estate tycoon Mark Benton is his most memorable. When Mark is murdered after his liaison with Jude, hot cop Logan Vellachecco pegs Jude a suspect and Jude cannot use his charm and sensuality to sway Logan’s investigation...despite their passionate encounter. With clients cancelling en masse and Jude’s charmed life threatened, Jude recruits the only two people he trusts to prove his innocence. Follow Jude, his hot Latina maid Rosie and his flamboyant friend James from Manhattan to Chicago where they wield their inept sleuthing skills, penchant for partying and naked blackmail to clear Jude’s name."  Seriously.  How awesome is this??  I kind of want to read this now, as I have a feeling it is going to be WAY better than it's namesake and totally entertaining.  What the original 50 Shades needed, I think, was a Hot Cop and a Sassy Maid.  And who doesn't love a Flamboyant Friend character??  It's like The Hardy Boys grew up and came out!  I mean, really, who didn't think Frank was gay?  it's not so far-fetched.  Callie Shaw?  What kind of a name is that??  The name of a beard, I'd say!  And blond, good-looking beefcake best friend CHET Morton??  Oooh, and remember when they would team up for those Super Mysteries with Nancy Drew and her gang and she had that drag queen girlfriend, George?  I mean, it all makes so much sense now!  

Amazon also very considerately gives an explicit content warning at the end of this blurb (because you might not have gotten that from the description), informing us that this book contains "HOT" explicit content.  Good to know.  I probably won't read it now because lukewarm explicit content is one thing but if it's hot it will probably really offend me.  

The other less hilarious but equally as disturbing accidental purchase I made was after writing a little school-related parody of the genius  Sometimes When We Touch.  You know... Sometimes when we touch/The honesty's too much/And I have to close my eyes aaaa-yee-aand hide.  My punishment for this bit of mockery was that the original gem was stuck in my head for DAYS.  To combat this, I thought downloading the song and actually listening to it might cure me.  Fast forward to last week, listening to music on the bus and repeatedly coming across really terrible, ballad-y 80s songs and skipping them.  They all had the same album cover so I finally zoomed in and looked to see who the artist was.  Dan Hill... who the hell is that??  And how did his album end up on my iPod?  Dan Hill... Dan Hill... Dan... OHMYGOSH.  I must have downloaded an entire Sometimes When We Touch album.  Yeesh.  I wonder how much I paid for that??  iTunes is going to have the best profile of me.  They probably think I'm a fifty year old gay man  and I'm going to start getting targeted ads for... whatever it is they market to that demographic!  

If I had been at the mall... I wouldn't have discovered I could use Jimmy as man-bait!

When Jimmy and I are out in the community, he often likes to talk to other people, usually to ask them where they are going.  Today he struck up a conversation about trains with a scrawny college kid in an LRT station.  After coaching him through the interaction and suggesting that when people have earphones in, they probably don't want to be bothered, it occurred to me that the encounter could have been an excellent meet cute!  I could have been living my very own Nora Ephron movie right now, if Jimmy was a little more discriminate in who he talks to!  I can't believe it has taken me three summers to figure this out... with a little bit of work, Jimmy could become my very own wingman! 

Sometimes in my job I write stories or make videos for kids that deomonstrate  appropriate behaviour to help them learn what is expected of them.  Perhaps this is just what Jimmy and I need....

Being a Wingman

Sometimes when I am out with Gabrielle, I like to talk to strangers.  It is ok to talk to strangers, if they are attractive, intelligent and male.  It is not ok to talk to strangers if they are old, wearing sweats or smell like AXE.  I like to talk to people with kids but this is not the best use of my time.  It is better to talk to tall men who look like they have money.  I like to talk about trains with strangers.  It is ok to talk about trains but if the man seems TOO interested in trains, it is time to move on.  When I am done talking, I can say, "This is Gabrielle.  She is my babysitter.  She's awesome!"  This makes Gabrielle feel happy.  The end.

I never would have figured out how to use a six year old to meet men if I had been at the mall

If I had been at the mall.... I never would have realized what a bastard Sephora is!

Ooooooooh....  Sephora.  You. Are. THE DEVIL.  

I found this evil genius in my email yesterday.  How am I supposed to resist the offer of VIB Roooooouge status (for those of you that know me in real life, you realize we're going to be pronouncing it this way, right?)??  And a free, limited edition lipstick??  Come. ON!  It's like they know I've been away and they are trying to lure me back in.  Well, ok, I know that in reality everybody who spends a small fortune at Sephora probably got this but really, this is terrible, terrible timing.  Do you hear me Sephora??  TERRIBLE TIMING.  

Maybe I need to look at this another way.  Maybe I need to look at this like it's a controlling boyfriend trying to woo me back with hollow promises.  Sephora is trying to squash my new, independent lifestyle, with all my new, local loves.  It's jealous.  And a little drunk.  It's making crazy accusations about me and Lux sneaking around behind it's back.  It's not a secret, you douchebag!  I've been BLOGGING about my new experiences, for crying out loud!  I'm not hiding anything!  I'm just branching out and trying new things.  You know, maybe if you're going to get all insane and act this way we need to reconsider our relationship.  You can't just come over here, with your apologies and roooooouge status and think for a second that I'm just going to ditch my new friends and spend all my time exclusively with you.  Even if I happen to come back to the mall, there's still MAC.  And Shopper's.  I love you but you have to learn to share me!  Ugh, I can't do this anymore.  My friends are right about you.  I think we need a break.  Don't call me.  *Door slams*

I need a drink.

And this little bit of drama, ladies and gentlemen, would never have happened if I had been at the mall....

If I had been at the mall... I wouldn't have known how much fun pretend shopping is!

Yesterday was my first visit to K-Days in years.  Like, possibly since it was called Klondike Days.  Jimmy and I went for a few hours to check out stuff for kids and let me tell you, it was pretty terrific.  There is a whole section of the midway with rides for kids and less-creepy carnies than I remember from my childhood.  The midway was pricey but I figure that's to be expected.  For $20 we were able to do the bumper cars together and Jimmy did three other rides on his own.  I really do love me some bumper cars.  Not only do I get to be behind the wheel of a car again but it's a cute little bug-like car that I am allowed, nay encouraged,  to smash into anything I want!  As my parents will attest to, this was kind of my speciality back when I was allowed to drive grown-up cars.  I wonder if the wall of the Barrhead Video Update has any remnants of our infamous encounter....

Post-rides we went for a wander through the Expo Centre (is this what it's called??  I'm basing this strictly on my FB check-in so if it's called something else, please correct me!) There was an entire play area set up for kids like a small town with activities at each business.  There was a farm, a post office, an art gallery, a medical centre, a construction site, a library, a recycling centre, etc.  Each one was run by the sweetest Grandmas and Grandpas (and a few young adults) who helped the kids do things like plant potatoes, mail letters and drive tiny tractors.  My favourite part, obviously, was playing shopping at the Save-On Foods where we had a little grocery list, a basket and twenty fake dollars to spend.  We were required to find mustard and croutons (I guess we were picking up the ingredients for the world's tiniest toasted sandwiches) and then check out and pay.  So cute!  If I had been a fake Sephora, I probably wouldn't have left.  I probably would've moved onto the fake farm and spent my days "buying" make up and my nights squatting in the horse barn.  Oh my gosh, maybe I could've even gotten a job at fake Sephora!   It doesn't matter if you can't see what you're doing when your products are invisible!  I bet I'd make an awesome imaginary make up artist!

All of this pretending had both of us pretty exhausted so we very quickly cruised through the rest of the halls.  The sports exhibit had lots for kids to do, too, but less of interest to me because, well, I'd rather do pretend sports than real sports.  I did like that this area was separated from the casino by an awesome two-foot plastic picket fence that could easily have been borrowed from the kid town, which I found a little odd.  Is that even legal??  

It was on my way home that I discovered a new local fashion love.  I popped into Koutouki to get a Greek salad for supper since I was pretty sure blue cotton candy and pizza was not meeting my nutritional requirements for the day.  When I realized it was Thursday, market day, I thought I could do a little more pretend shopping while waiting for the bus.  I didn't have any cash on me so I figured I could browse a little and head home without spending any more money.  I was wrong.  Within seconds my radar had zeroed in on Cloud + Lolly.  Handmade, locally created and really fun jewellery and accessories.  Oooooooh.       Where were all those fake twenties when I needed them??  Fortunately, my ability to justify the purchase of pretty things is lot better than my driving skills.  I decided that since I had spent all day pretend shopping, it was ok to spend some money on real shopping! After a good 10 minutes of chatting, browsing and basically blocking up the entire table for other customers, I narrowed down my "wants" to two pairs of earrings (hey, one is a gift!).   Cheryl, the designer, who was lovely to chat with, by the way, offered me a deal on three pairs so obviously I had to spend another five minutes debating.  I finally settled on these three little friends:

My not-so-pretend purchase of the day!

They're all made from a bag of buttons from the antique mall, which I love.  If you're looking for something funky and unique, while still being wearable, check out Cloud + Lolly!!

Pretend shopping definitely wouldn't have happened if I had been at the mall!!

If I had been at the mall... I wouldn't have discovered my life's calling!

I got up way too early this morning to take Jimmy to the K-Days parade downtown.  I feel a little bad saying this but I didn't really expect too much.  Fortunately, I was wrong, as it was pretty cool!  I love watching marching bands.  How they march and play an instrument at the same time is fascinating to me.  I can't even march and move my arms at the same time.  It has been speculated by my physiotherapist friend that I have a mild gross motor delay, although I feel like by the time you're my age it's not so much a delay anymore as a deficit!  Anyway, there were some great floats and I especially enjoyed the  dodgy moment when it looked like the giant Kermit the Frog balloon wasn't going to make it under the streetlight wire.  I would have "hiya-ed" him and kicked him through but unfortunately I'm not allowed to use my karate outside of the Dojo!

It only took about 10 minutes for me to realize how awesome it would be to ride a float in a parade (you might not know this about me but I have a tendency to be a bit of an attention whore...).  I decided maybe a career change to something that would allow for frequent parade appearances might need to be in my future so I started a list of possible occupations.  Obviously RCMP, Edmonton Police and all branches of military are not options for me (you might not know this about me but I have a tendency to be a wee bit defiant of authority...).  Marching band has already been ruled out.  I do think I would look super cute in a kilt so possibly I could get on with the Edmonton Transit Bagpipers but I suspect there are requirements other than looking cute in a kilt, such as being able to, you know, make music with bagpipes.  Another option to consider is a First Nations Chief but I think there might be stringent qualifications for that, as well.  There was an adorable mini CN train but I know I'm not qualified to do anything with "engineer" in it's title.  Math is hard.  This leaves me with four final possibilities.  1) Farmer.  Errrr.  Next.  2) Edmonton Eskimos cheerleader.  See above re: gross motor delay.  3) Booster juice employee.  This being my first parade viewing in years, I'm not sure how often Booster Juice participates in these things and I'm also not sure that working for a random franchise will necessarily give me first dibs on all parades, so that probably won't work. 

Finally, we have... politician.  At first this was high on the list of distinct non-possibilities.  However, after paring down the list, it really is the most feasible.  Also, when I posted my parade-diva-girl dream on Facebook my good friend, Jill, said, "Somehow I can see u on a glitzy purple float with your hair and makeup did and some fancy shoes waving the queen wave hahaha I'd be in a pink dress beside you lol"  She knows 

me well and has pretty much defined exactly what I had in mind.  The MLAs and city councillors were the only people in the parade who got to ride around in convertibles, dressed up in designer clothes (as opposed to uniforms or mascot costumes) and taking themselves VERY seriously.  This is exactly what I want!  Also, think of all the pancake breakfasts!!!  Oh yeah, this is it. But I don't want one of those hard jobs where you have to make tough decisions and do budgets and have people mad at you all the time.  I think I'd like to be Minister of Parades and Pancake Breakfasts.  Would you vote for me??

If I had been at the mall... I wouldn't have learned that it is not ok to punch your friends!!

Another of my talented friends has a cool thing happening in the city this summer.  Tiny Dragons is a karate class for preschoolers with special needs that runs out of the Iseke School of Karate during the school year.  This summer, they are offering two, full week karate camps and I had the privilege of observing these classes last week.  The classes are run by three members of the Dojo, Kym Varro and her kids, Gage and Ashley.  The class was created by Kym, who has years of experience working with children with special needs.  Not only does she have experience but she's good at it, too! (Believe me, experience does not always equal talent or skill when it comes to special education!).  What I loved most about the class is that everything is broken down in a way that the kids can learn and practice, without lowering the expectations.  Everybody learned every skill and each skill built upon the last.  So by the end of the week, the kids had learned some pretty complicated moves!  I don't really know anything at all about martial arts so I'm sure "moves" isn't really the technical term.  My favourite part of the week was on Friday when they kids learned to yell "HIYA!" while chopping foam blocks.  I was kind of a big Miss Piggy fan in the 80s so I know all about yelling "hiya!" and kicking a weeny frog across the room.  However, I learned from Kym that I am not allowed to kick or punch my friends, or my mom or my baby brother.  Also not allowed to try my moves on strangers in the street.  She didn't say anything about muppets though....

The kids and adults all looked like they were having loads of fun and it was definitely fun to watch!  Classes are only 45 minutes long so long enough for the kids to get some physical activity in but not so long that they get bored or tired.  There is one more camp this summer, from August 5-9, so definitely check out Tiny Dragons if you're looking for something fun to do with your tiny people! 

If I had been at the mall... my world of beauty products would've remained so small!

As you may have already gathered, I have a slight addiction to beauty products.  Makeup, lotions, hair products, body washes, shin care, you name it, I probably own it or at least have tried it.  I watch product reviews on YouTube and read beauty blogs.  Even when they are about products I would never use or even try, I still watch/read the reviews.  I think it's still a hobby at this point but Im dangerously on the edge of diving into a full-blown problem.  Without Sephora in my life over the last four weeks I have actually been making progress on another personal challenge to use up skin, hair and body products I already own!  I have emptied a couple of shower gels, a hairspray and TWO bottles of lotion.  That's kind of a record for me!  

And then I found Lux Beauty Boutique.  Oh my. Is this what Heaven will be like??  It makes Sephora look like purgatory.  I have heard about the wonders of Lux and I think i had even been in there once before but never really had a need for it with my mall stores meeting my beauty needs.  And since I started the challenge I had thought about heading that way a few times but I knew there was no way I would be able to control myself and maintain my budget.  But I found Lux calling to me last weekend on a wander down 124th.  I didn't buy much my first visit because it was mostly new brands to me and i like to do a little research about products before I buy them.  So I came home and spent two days Googling all the bands listed on their website.  I made a list of brands I was interested in and products I wanted to try and I went back with Diana on Wednesday.  The LuxySalesgirl was really enthusiastic and loved talking products.  She gave me some good information and gave me a very logical, well thought out argument for why I should go with the Geisha Ink mascara over the Blinc mascara I had intended to buy.  And, once again, I was won over by samples.  Look at these adorable little sample bags!!  

SAMPLES!!

Sephora has never packaged my samples into tiny, cute bags!!  The only downfall, however, is that I haven't really wanted to break up the products and their sweet bags to actually try any of them!  They look so pretty on my coffee table... 

So overall, I would say Lux is kind of the high-class call girl to Sephora's $23.50 hooker.  Except for one thing... Ok, so because I can't read price tags or ingredients lists or often, even what a product IS, I take pictures on my phone and then zoom in to read what I need. Sephora is big and crowded and nobody is ever paying enough attention to me to notice.  Or maybe they are noticing and I'm just not noticing them noticing me but regardless  it isn't a big deal to busy myself in a corner looking at my phone in Sephora and nobody bothers me.  Lux is very small and uncrowded and the staff are very attentive so I didn't really feel comfortable busting out my phone and snapping pictures of things.  Which is how I ended up going home with a $15 lip balm.  It's the same reason I often leave Victoria's Secret with ill-fitting underwear; the one time I tried to take pics of the tags I felt like such a creeper I couldn't do it again!  Imagine me trying to find a quiet corner with enough lighting to take pictures of panties without the flash going off.  I'm sure my skulking around and nervousness brought me MORE attention to than had I been cool and calm and acted like it was no big thing to be capturing my lingerie purchases to my photo stream!  But I digress....

I'm not really sure how I'm going to manage future visits to Lux.  Obviously there will be future visits.  I have been known to set up a code word with a friend so that she can read me the price on something without me yelling across a store, "Hey!  How much is this??" Instead I discretely say, "Hey, 'robot'."  Or if Friend is not nearby I go over and say, "I need you to robot something for me!"  It's less obnoxious and WAY more fun to have a code word... like spies!  

One other thing... Lux is right next to the candy store, where the Necco Wafters live.  Mmmmm.... You'll notice in this picture they are already opened.  The wolves couldn't even wait long enough for the photo to be set up before busting them out! 

The wolves and their High Street purchases!

Discovering a whole new world of products right in my neighbourhood never would have happened if I had been at the mall!

If I had been at the mall.... ****************

My good buddy Diana is visiting from BC this week and after spending too much money at Lux Beauty Boutique (more on that later...) and lunch at Doan's, we did what the coolest girls in their 30s do on a hot and sunny afternoon in Edmonton.  We went for a wander around the Concordia campus.  A lot has changed since 2002, when I graduated but I am thrilled to report that the carpet stains in Tegler have not been cleaned in 11 years!  We were pretty excited to find framed composite graduation photos hung proudly on the walls for all to see... at the back of the library.  In a narrow corridor of faculty offices.  Really??  There was nowhere else they could have displayed the alumni??  Nowhere more prominent??  The hallway leading to the cafeteria is lined with a series of framed stock posters. Couldn't they have put us there??  Aaaanyway...  I obviously had to take pictures.  First, with the wolves: 

Me, Wolfgang and Puck with my graduation picture!

Second, a close up of my grad photo because I don't have any of these.  I think at the time I didn't like them, maybe?? I don't really know.  Now, pay special attention to my name below the photo.. I know you are going to want to admire how cute my hair was in those days (not) but pull yourself away and look below the head.  

A photo of my 2002 graduation photo.

G. Heselton. ASTERISK???  Is there some question as to whether or not I used performance enhancing drugs to complete my degree??  I mean, I realize it's just a psych degree and not a home run record or anything but I guarantee you; I earned it with these brains, baby!   (These brains are now questioning the use of the semicolon in that sentence.  I know it shouldn't be a comma but what then?  A colon?  Is there a steroid I can take to improve grammar??).  

Finding out I am memorialized forever in a tiny, hidden hallway of my alma mater with an asterisk next to my name never would have happened if I had been at the mall!

If I had been at the mall... I would not have OD'd on Beef Jerky!!

Did I go to Eden's Market today?  Yes.  Did I buy mouth-wateringly delicious beef jerky?  Yes.  Did I eat it all while blogging tonight?  Yes.  Am I regretting it just a little?  Not a chance! 

I definitely would not have eaten $10 worth of beef jerky in a 12 hour period if I had been at the mall!

If I had been at the mall... I wouldn't have had the opportunity to try "salmon stuff on a bagel!"

Last weekend before my spa experience I needed breakfast so, for the second time in my life, I walked into Tiramisu before it opened and had to be kicked out.  It's moments like that that I wish I had a white cane.  At least this time I just poked my head in before being noticed and told they weren't open.  Last time I sat at a table and read a menu for 5 minutes before anyone said anything to me!  Hmmm.... Tiramisu is also the restaurant where I got sauced and accidentally tipped the waiter $1.36 on a $50 bill.  Maybe they weren't actually closed?!  Maybe I'm just not allowed back??!  Actually, they've served me since so I think all is forgiven.  I don't think I have mentioned yet how wonderful this little cafe is.  The food and the coffee are really good.  I've never had a meal there that I didn't enjoy.  The service is sometimes slow but they are usually really busy  so I'm sure that's why.  The owner is a doll... the first time I ate  there was when I was gluten free and I ordered pizza.  I ate all the delicious toppings and left the crust on the plate.  The owner came over, concerned that there was something wrong with my meal.  When she discovered that there was nothing wrong with the food and the problem was with the un-classy patron before her, she asked me lots of questions about what I could eat and was very interested in what she could serve for people like me... and people that legitimately can't have gluten.  I've noticed since then that there are several GF options on the menu, which is cool.  It's also very kid-friendly, with iPads specifically for kids to play with.  There's usually lots of families in there during the day on the weekends.   I, however, prefer a Thursday evening with a bottle of wine. which leads to grossly undertipping a waiter (I DID correct my mistake before leaving) and discovering a giant metal rodent on my walk home!  (Is this considered meta or just shambles self-promotion?? I'm ok, either way, just wondering...)

Right, so nothing was open on 124th except Pure Kitchen.  I had eaten there before and had a really yummy lox and cream cheese bagel so I decided to go back.  I should have known I was in trouble when the girl at the till told the girl in the back to make "lox on a bagel" and she responded with "I don't know what that is."  I should've put a stop to all of it when girl one explained, "the salmon stuff on the bagel."  But I didn't.  I sat down and waited for my salmon stuff.  And waited.  And waited.  Aaaaaand waited.  This is when I started to worry.  My appointment time was looming and I still had no "stuff" in front of me.  Finally it came and I had 5 minutes to wolf it down.  It looked ok.  It looked like smoked salmon on a bagel.  I took one bite.  Then a second.  On bite number three I had to look... I had to know what else was going on there besides salmon stuff.  Now, I'm not 100% sure what I was seeing and tasting and I don't want to slander a small business but I THINK it was salmon, mayo and onions.  That was it.  I was done.  I wonder how that went down in the kitchen. Maybe girl one told girl two to put "white stuff" on it and I ended up with mayo instead of cream cheese.    I don't really want to think about it too much because it makes me gag a little.  And I do want to say that the last time I went there, the lox on a bagel was delicious.  And both times my coffees were great. So don't discount it completely based on my experience but maybe take it more as  a life lesson.  That  is, if  you find a restaurant employee describing your meal in a vague, unappetizing, albeit amusing, way, say something.  Change your order to something you can see in a display case like a blueberry muffin or a fruit salad.  "I'll take the beige blob with the blue spots, instead, please!"  

These sage words of advice would not be coming to you if I had been at the mall!!